Saturday, December 23, 2006
Welcome to the Mind Vision Adjustment Conspiracy
Ted: Okay, so how does this thing work?
Bill: We're blogcasting, dummy! People out there everywhere can hijack computer screens with the mind vision adjustment videos we've dug up for them, conveniently assembled into one continuous stream of social consciousness. It's MVTV! Mind Vision TV!
Ted: And world peace will follow?
Bill: That's what the aliens said! Now wouldja pass the joint? I wanna watch some of these videos!
Friday, December 22, 2006
With Jonah safely ditched, Bill & Ted prepare to transmit
Bill: Look, all I'm saying is we gotta test this thing.
Ted: Shut up, dude! What if Jonah hears you?
Ted: But we were so high! What if something goes wrong?
Bill: Dude, what could go wrong?
Ted: Shut up, dude! What if Jonah hears you?
Ted: But we were so high! What if something goes wrong?
Bill: Dude, what could go wrong?
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Jonah gets schooled on The Stoned Age
Jonah: You know, you guys are super obsessed.
Bill: We're not the first.
Ted: Yeah, check out those dudes from the Stoned Age who joined the Blue Oyster Cult.
Jonah: The Stoned Age? That movie got made for what, forty cents they fished out of a milk glass?
Bill: But it was real, man.
Ted: Yeah, that movie was a lot deeper than you think.
Jonah: You dudes have finally flipped. The last Phish show you went to, did you get hit with a laser?
Ted: Forget that third eye shit, man. Alright? That was just Hollywood hokem, and you've gotta look past it. Now check it. What's it say, right here on the box?
Ted: Bingo. And that's what we're talking about. Not better as in, a more fun, candy-coated view of what it was like to be stoned and live in the 70's. Uh uh.
Bill: When you watch The Stoned Age, see, you're getting an up-close, low-rent glimpse into the basement beer blast scene of suburban stoners in the seventies. You're hip to the good, the bad, and the ugly, all up close and personal.
Ted: It's like, classic angst, man. Suburbia breeds anger and disillusionment in like, the whole American Dream. And the stoners are always the first ones to figure it out. Weed opens your eyes to that shit.
Ted: And there's always a killer soundtrack involved, 'cuz music helps keep you sane when you're locked in that kind of dull, conformist environment. BOC in the Stoned Age. Kiss in Detroit Rock City. Over The Edge, and Matt Dillon blasting Cheap Trick.
Jonah: I thought it was Keanu Reeves in that movie, and Crispin Glover was the stoner metalhead.
Bill: Dude, that was River's Edge. Eighties. C'mon, Jonah, you've Mr. Seventies, you've never seen Over The Edge?
Jonah: You'll have to school me.
Ted: Dude! It's only the most fucking right on flick about stoners ever made!
Bill: It's like, the godfather of them all.
Jonah: Alright, that's it. I gotta get back up front. Save some of that shit for me. (Jonah exits the break room.)
Bill: We're not the first.
Ted: Yeah, check out those dudes from the Stoned Age who joined the Blue Oyster Cult.
Jonah: The Stoned Age? That movie got made for what, forty cents they fished out of a milk glass?
Bill: But it was real, man.
Ted: Yeah, that movie was a lot deeper than you think.
Jonah: You dudes have finally flipped. The last Phish show you went to, did you get hit with a laser?
Ted: Forget that third eye shit, man. Alright? That was just Hollywood hokem, and you've gotta look past it. Now check it. What's it say, right here on the box?
Ted: Bingo. And that's what we're talking about. Not better as in, a more fun, candy-coated view of what it was like to be stoned and live in the 70's. Uh uh.
Bill: When you watch The Stoned Age, see, you're getting an up-close, low-rent glimpse into the basement beer blast scene of suburban stoners in the seventies. You're hip to the good, the bad, and the ugly, all up close and personal.
Ted: It's like, classic angst, man. Suburbia breeds anger and disillusionment in like, the whole American Dream. And the stoners are always the first ones to figure it out. Weed opens your eyes to that shit.
Ted: And there's always a killer soundtrack involved, 'cuz music helps keep you sane when you're locked in that kind of dull, conformist environment. BOC in the Stoned Age. Kiss in Detroit Rock City. Over The Edge, and Matt Dillon blasting Cheap Trick.
Jonah: I thought it was Keanu Reeves in that movie, and Crispin Glover was the stoner metalhead.
Bill: Dude, that was River's Edge. Eighties. C'mon, Jonah, you've Mr. Seventies, you've never seen Over The Edge?
Jonah: You'll have to school me.
Ted: Dude! It's only the most fucking right on flick about stoners ever made!
Bill: It's like, the godfather of them all.
Jonah: Alright, that's it. I gotta get back up front. Save some of that shit for me. (Jonah exits the break room.)
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Bill & Ted wax poetic on Cheap Trick-SETI connection
(INT. - THE VIDEODROME BREAK ROOM)
JONAH & TED are relaxing in the break room.
Bill (running through door, waving tickets in his hand): I got 'em, dudes! Third row center, Delaware Memorial Auditorium!
Ted (starts pumping his hands in the air, fists clenched): Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ted: Need your love, man!
Bill: I want you...to want me!
Jonah: Knowing you guys, this is one of three bands. Kiss? No way. They'll never get back together. Grand Funk? Not at DMA. Oh, right. July 4th weekend. Cheap Trick.
Bill: And now, live on stage...
Ted: Straight from Budokan Arena,
Bill: Tok-y-o...
Ted: Robin Zander,
Bill: Rick Nielson,
Ted: Bun E. Carlos,
Bill: And Tom Petersson,
Ted: With two s's!
Ted: Hell yeah, dude!
Bill: It's gonna be the bizzomb!
Jonah: I'm sorry, fellas, I don't see it.
Bill: Man, why don't you appreciate the Trick?
Jonah: How can I respect a band that had some goofy dude in it who looked like Pee Wee Herman?
Ted: Number one, he wrote all their songs. Rick Nielson was their secret weapon.
Jonah: Yeah, but were they good songs?
Bill: Were they good songs. Man, this band's music saved our planet!
Ted: Haven't you ever heard of the SETI-Cheap Trick connection?
Jonah: What?
Ted: For real, man. The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Back in the seventies, when SETI first got underway, they found a signal.
Bill: It's been way covered up, the whole story.
Ted: And they didn't know it at the time, but it was hostile. Like, an alien exploration beam sent to check us out and see if we were worthy of invasion.
Ted: But this beam was also highly intelligent. And this one stoner who had just started working there just happened to have Cheap Trick's latest 8-track with him, and he put it on the system to beam it out into space back at them.
Jonah: No fucking way.
Bill: Yeah, it was that song "So Good To See You," from In Color. He thought it captured the moment.
Ted: So anyway, when the aliens heard this song, and analyzed it properly, they realized they'd stumbled onto an advanced civilization, who probably had weapons and technology far more powerful than their own.
Bill: And that we were also capable of producing the most exquisite songwriting they'd ever encountered in their tour of four billion galaxies.
Ted: So they decided to just treat our planet like a cable channel, and now they watch us for entertainment purposes.
Bill: Yeah, you never know when they could be watching you. Me and Ted might be the stars of the most popular sitcom in space and we'd never even know it.
Jonah: Can I borrow the issue of High Times you guys read this in?
Ted: Jonah, this shit's all over the internet.
Bill: Don't take our word for it.
Jonah: Alright, but you're overlooking another possibility.
Bill: Like what?
Jonah: Liike maybe these highly intelligent aliens heard this song, and figured we were so musically primitive, they didn't have to invade! Because it was a frigging Cheap Trick song! And if they're watching us on TV all the time, then they'd realize sooner or later that we're not so advanced, that we haven't mastered space travel, or intergalactic exploration probes, or anything like that!
Ted: You can look at it like that if you want, man, but the stoner nation knows the truth.
Bill: That's why we will ALWAYS be...READY TO ROCK!
JONAH & TED are relaxing in the break room.
Bill (running through door, waving tickets in his hand): I got 'em, dudes! Third row center, Delaware Memorial Auditorium!
Ted (starts pumping his hands in the air, fists clenched): Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ted: Need your love, man!
Bill: I want you...to want me!
Jonah: Knowing you guys, this is one of three bands. Kiss? No way. They'll never get back together. Grand Funk? Not at DMA. Oh, right. July 4th weekend. Cheap Trick.
Bill: And now, live on stage...
Ted: Straight from Budokan Arena,
Bill: Tok-y-o...
Ted: Robin Zander,
Bill: Rick Nielson,
Ted: Bun E. Carlos,
Bill: And Tom Petersson,
Ted: With two s's!
Ted: Hell yeah, dude!
Bill: It's gonna be the bizzomb!
Jonah: I'm sorry, fellas, I don't see it.
Bill: Man, why don't you appreciate the Trick?
Jonah: How can I respect a band that had some goofy dude in it who looked like Pee Wee Herman?
Ted: Number one, he wrote all their songs. Rick Nielson was their secret weapon.
Jonah: Yeah, but were they good songs?
Bill: Were they good songs. Man, this band's music saved our planet!
Ted: Haven't you ever heard of the SETI-Cheap Trick connection?
Jonah: What?
Ted: For real, man. The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Back in the seventies, when SETI first got underway, they found a signal.
Bill: It's been way covered up, the whole story.
Ted: And they didn't know it at the time, but it was hostile. Like, an alien exploration beam sent to check us out and see if we were worthy of invasion.
Ted: But this beam was also highly intelligent. And this one stoner who had just started working there just happened to have Cheap Trick's latest 8-track with him, and he put it on the system to beam it out into space back at them.
Jonah: No fucking way.
Bill: Yeah, it was that song "So Good To See You," from In Color. He thought it captured the moment.
Ted: So anyway, when the aliens heard this song, and analyzed it properly, they realized they'd stumbled onto an advanced civilization, who probably had weapons and technology far more powerful than their own.
Bill: And that we were also capable of producing the most exquisite songwriting they'd ever encountered in their tour of four billion galaxies.
Ted: So they decided to just treat our planet like a cable channel, and now they watch us for entertainment purposes.
Bill: Yeah, you never know when they could be watching you. Me and Ted might be the stars of the most popular sitcom in space and we'd never even know it.
Jonah: Can I borrow the issue of High Times you guys read this in?
Ted: Jonah, this shit's all over the internet.
Bill: Don't take our word for it.
Jonah: Alright, but you're overlooking another possibility.
Bill: Like what?
Jonah: Liike maybe these highly intelligent aliens heard this song, and figured we were so musically primitive, they didn't have to invade! Because it was a frigging Cheap Trick song! And if they're watching us on TV all the time, then they'd realize sooner or later that we're not so advanced, that we haven't mastered space travel, or intergalactic exploration probes, or anything like that!
Ted: You can look at it like that if you want, man, but the stoner nation knows the truth.
Bill: That's why we will ALWAYS be...READY TO ROCK!
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