JONAH & TED are relaxing in the break room.
Bill (running through door, waving tickets in his hand): I got 'em, dudes! Third row center, Delaware Memorial Auditorium!
Ted (starts pumping his hands in the air, fists clenched): Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ted: Need your love, man!
Bill: I want you...to want me!
Jonah: Knowing you guys, this is one of three bands. Kiss? No way. They'll never get back together. Grand Funk? Not at DMA. Oh, right. July 4th weekend. Cheap Trick.
Bill: And now, live on stage...
Ted: Straight from Budokan Arena,
Bill: Tok-y-o...
Ted: Robin Zander,
Bill: Rick Nielson,
Ted: Bun E. Carlos,
Bill: And Tom Petersson,
Ted: With two s's!
Ted: Hell yeah, dude!
Bill: It's gonna be the bizzomb!
Jonah: I'm sorry, fellas, I don't see it.
Bill: Man, why don't you appreciate the Trick?
Jonah: How can I respect a band that had some goofy dude in it who looked like Pee Wee Herman?
Ted: Number one, he wrote all their songs. Rick Nielson was their secret weapon.
Jonah: Yeah, but were they good songs?
Bill: Were they good songs. Man, this band's music saved our planet!
Ted: Haven't you ever heard of the SETI-Cheap Trick connection?
Jonah: What?
Ted: For real, man. The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Back in the seventies, when SETI first got underway, they found a signal.
Bill: It's been way covered up, the whole story.
Ted: And they didn't know it at the time, but it was hostile. Like, an alien exploration beam sent to check us out and see if we were worthy of invasion.
Ted: But this beam was also highly intelligent. And this one stoner who had just started working there just happened to have Cheap Trick's latest 8-track with him, and he put it on the system to beam it out into space back at them.
Jonah: No fucking way.
Bill: Yeah, it was that song "So Good To See You," from In Color. He thought it captured the moment.
Ted: So anyway, when the aliens heard this song, and analyzed it properly, they realized they'd stumbled onto an advanced civilization, who probably had weapons and technology far more powerful than their own.
Bill: And that we were also capable of producing the most exquisite songwriting they'd ever encountered in their tour of four billion galaxies.
Ted: So they decided to just treat our planet like a cable channel, and now they watch us for entertainment purposes.
Bill: Yeah, you never know when they could be watching you. Me and Ted might be the stars of the most popular sitcom in space and we'd never even know it.
Jonah: Can I borrow the issue of High Times you guys read this in?
Ted: Jonah, this shit's all over the internet.
Bill: Don't take our word for it.
Jonah: Alright, but you're overlooking another possibility.
Bill: Like what?
Jonah: Liike maybe these highly intelligent aliens heard this song, and figured we were so musically primitive, they didn't have to invade! Because it was a frigging Cheap Trick song! And if they're watching us on TV all the time, then they'd realize sooner or later that we're not so advanced, that we haven't mastered space travel, or intergalactic exploration probes, or anything like that!
Ted: You can look at it like that if you want, man, but the stoner nation knows the truth.
Bill: That's why we will ALWAYS be...READY TO ROCK!
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